What If You Just Let Them?
In the health and wellness space, I feel like we talk a lot about control… how to gain control over our thoughts, our health, our habits, our outcomes… But sometimes the most healing move I’ve found is to release control - especially the kind we try to hold in regards to other people.
I know some of you are already reading “release control” and cringing. How dare I suggest it? I get it. Bear with me.
Several months ago, among millions of other avid readers, I pre-ordered and subsequently devoured the latest from Mel Robbins… The Let Them Theory.
It’s a beautifully simple concept that challenges our desire to manage or fix the people, and things happening around us, on a regular basis.
“Let them be late. Let them choose something different. Let them misunderstand you. Let them go.” – Mel Robbins
Let’s unpack that together…
The Difference Between Healthy Boundaries and Controlling Behavior
It can be a fine line, setting boundaries versus trying to control outcomes, but let’s define it anyway.
Boundaries are about what you will or will not tolerate. They come from a place of self-respect and protect your well-being.
Control often comes from fear, anxiety, or old wounds. It’s the belief that if we just say the right thing, do the right thing, or manage everyone else’s reactions, we’ll stay safe.
Healthy boundaries are about honoring your own needs, energy, and limits. They come from a place of self-respect and are designed to protect your peace, not to manipulate or change someone else. A healthy boundary might sound like:
“I need to leave the party by 9 because I need rest.”
“I’m not available for that conversation right now, but we can talk when I’ve had time to think.”
Controlling behavior, on the other hand, is when we try to change, manage, or manipulate someone else’s behavior to feel safe, validated, or in control. It might sound like:
“You can’t go to that party because I don’t trust the people there.”
“If you loved me, you wouldn’t say that.”
The key difference? Boundaries are about YOU. Control is about THEM.
But true safety comes from within.
When we stop trying to control other people and start honoring our own limits, we create space for healthier relationships—and deeper self-trust.
Journal About It: Where in my life am I setting a boundary, and where might I be trying to control? Where in your life are you setting boundaries that feel good and empowering? Are there moments where fear might be driving control instead of self-trust and clarity?
Why “Letting Them” Is a Radical Act of Self-Respect
When we let people do what they’re going to do anyway—without chasing, fixing, or over-explaining—we’re not giving up. We’re choosing ourselves.
We’re choosing:
Our peace over proving a point
Our alignment over approval
Our healing over chaos
Letting someone misunderstand you? That’s not a weakness. That’s strength. That’s trusting that you no longer need to shrink yourself just to be accepted or seen correctly.
This shift takes practice—but it is radical self-respect in action.
At first, “letting them” might feel like giving up or being passive… but it’s actually one of the most radical acts of self-respect and inner peace you can practice.
Because here’s the truth: You’re not here to control, convince, or carry everyone.
Letting them honors free will.
Letting them releases resentment.
Letting them keeps you anchored in your own lane, focused on your healing, your alignment, and your truth.
Releasing Control Opens Space for Clarity, Peace, and Personal Growth
Trying to manage everyone else keeps us stuck. It clouds our judgment and keeps our nervous system in survival mode. When we release that grip—even just a little—we open space to come back to ourselves.
We gain:
Mental clarity
Emotional regulation
The energy to focus on our own path
The power to respond rather than react
Letting them... also means letting you rise. Into who you're becoming. Into the next level of your healing journey.
But we know that while that sounds powerful, it’s not always that easy… Sometimes, people still just get under our skin…
You’ll need some techniques in your Mental Health toolkit to help you to ground yourself when someone else’s choice inevitably triggers an old wound.
It’s one thing to say, “Just let them.” It’s another thing entirely when someone’s actions tap into an old wound—abandonment, rejection, not feeling good enough.
This is where “Let ME” comes into play… Yes, “Let Them”, but then, “Let Me”...
Do Some Box Breathing (inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4)
Repeat an Affirmation: “I release what I cannot control. I return to my center.”
Put My Hand on My Heart: Offer yourself compassion—“This is hard, and I’m safe.”
Get in a Little Movement: Shake it out, walk it out, stretch it out
Do whatever I need to do to let it go.
Over time, you’ll start to feel a shift. The things that once sent you spiraling will no longer hold the same power over you. Not because they’ve changed—but because you have.
The Let Them Theory isn’t about becoming cold or indifferent.
It’s about choosing peace over pressure.
It’s about releasing what’s never been yours to hold so that you can fully hold yourself.
Let them... and let you grow.
Be Well,
L
