Building Capacity
Have you ever reached a moment where it all just felt like way too much?
I’m talking… edge of the edge, overwhelmed, skirting into a mental breakdown at breakneck speeds. Maybe it was a wave of emotion that knocked the breath out of you, or a challenge that felt impossibly heavy, or a job that lasted too long. Even a moment of joy that brought up unexpected fear or discomfort could be the culprit. Whatever happened, it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Have you been there?
I know I have!
I felt it when I knew I needed to strap in for a job hunt that I didn’t feel qualified to start. I felt it when I decided to actually start Full Circle Wellness. I’ve felt it leaving a really good evening with friends feeling super high vibe, then suddenly wondering when the other shoe would drop. I’ve felt it looking at my workload and my calendar. I’ve felt it navigating wave after wave of PMDD.
It has looked like, “How much more can I possibly take?” and it has also looked like, “Ooh this feels great! Something horrible must be coming up next…”
What we’re bumping into here isn’t necessarily even the event itself - it isn’t actually the job, or the to-do list, or the joy - but our capacity to hold it - or rather, our ability to tolerate it.
What Is Capacity?
This is a new conversation for me, to some extent. I’ve touch on personal tolerance before with my therapist, but then I heard another therapist on social media say something that hit a little different, she said:
“Mental health is not about avoiding every trigger. Mental health is about building the capacity to navigate life without crumbling.”
In the mental health world, capacity refers to your ability to emotionally, mentally, and physically stay present through discomfort, challenge, or intensity—without shutting down, spiraling, or numbing out, or crumbling.
This felt like a huge realization for me, because if you’ve ever been triggered, then you know how hard it can be to move through those moments.
The therapist, RaQuel Hopkins (@raquel_the_capacity_expert) points out how “taking care of our mental health”, for many, has come to mean avoiding triggers to “keep your peace.”
She has noted seeing more and more people avoiding the thing, rearranging their life to work around the thing, cutting people out of their life because they trigger the thing, etc. and calling it “good mental health.”
I love it because as she so bluntly points out, this is not peace. This is not mental health.
Mental health is about building capacity, not accepting it for where it’s currently limited.
Unpopular opinion, but… our triggers are our responsibility. Which is exactly what she’s getting at here.
We can’t avoid triggers. We can’t always avoid people who trigger us. And truthfully, we should not be living our life dodging discomfort in this way, because it is the very definition of giving your personal power away.
Instead, RaQuel says that we should be building our capacity to handle it. And I couldn’t agree more.
Think of capacity like your inner “container.”
While everyone has one, not all containers are the same size or strength—and that’s not a character flaw. It's often shaped by your past experiences, traumas, nervous system conditioning, and the support you’ve had (or lacked).
But, building capacity doesn’t stop at the awareness of what has impacted it.
But, How Do We Do It?
Capacity or discomfort tolerance, ultimately determines how much stress you can navigate before overwhelm hits and you get to that edge we were talking about.
But it also determines how much joy, love, success, and connection you can truly receive without self-sabotaging or shrinking. This is huge. And this is the part that most people miss, but don’t worry, because I was missing this too…
We don’t just need capacity to survive the hard stuff—we need it to fully embrace the good stuff.
To build capacity is to expand the internal space you have available to meet life as it comes—without reacting from old patterns of fear, shutdown, or avoidance.
It means increasing your tolerance for:
Emotional discomfort or difficult conversations…
Triggers that once derailed you…
Being seen, loved, and celebrated without shrinking…
Holding conflicting emotions at the same time (joy and grief, fear and hope).
Capacity work is healing work. It’s nervous system work. It’s spiritual work. And like anything else on the healing path, it’s not about force—it’s about gentle expansion.
Let’s look at a few Small Right Actions you can take this week to get started:
1. Practice Staying with Yourself
When discomfort rises, don’t run. Don’t numb. Stay. Even for 30 seconds. Put a hand on your heart or belly. Breathe. Say, “This is hard… and I’m here for me.”
✨ This teaches your body it is safe to feel.
2. Name What You’re Feeling
Building emotional literacy increases capacity. Instead of just “good” or “bad,” ask: Is this grief? Resentment? Longing? Relief? Naming brings clarity.
✨ Clarity calms the nervous system.
3. Let the Edges Stretch You—Gently
Choose one small thing that stretches you today: saying no, asking for help, sitting in silence. Capacity grows at the edge, not in the comfort zone—but it doesn’t have to be extreme.
✨ Tiny stretches lead to powerful growth.
4. Tend to Your Nervous System Daily
Nervous system regulation isn’t a luxury—it’s a foundation. Breathe deeply. Ground in nature. Shake. Rest. Connect. These rituals expand your window of tolerance.
✨ A regulated body can hold more with less fear.
5. Make Space for the Good Stuff, Too
Sometimes we reject joy because it feels unfamiliar or unsafe. Allow yourself to feel delight, success, pride. Breathe through it. You’re allowed to feel good.
✨ Receiving is a skill. Joy deserves space.
So, Why Is All of This So Important?
Because without capacity, we live in cycles of overwhelm and collapse. We avoid what we’re afraid we can’t handle (which is a self-fulfilling prophecy), and we sabotage the very things we want most because they feel like “too much.”
But with a stronger capacity for discomfort, and a higher tolerance for taking on challenges, we can:
Respond instead of react…
Stay connected to ourselves under pressure…
Create space between stimulus and response…
Receive love, joy, and abundance without fear…
And, we learn to take aligned action even when it feels vulnerable.
Your capacity sets the tone for your relationships, your self-worth, your growth, and your peace. Fortunately, if this in and of itself feels overwhelming, the good news is this…
You Can Grow Your Capacity
You are not limited to the size of your old container.
You don’t have to keep living from a place of reactivity, avoidance, or emotional shutdown.
You were built to evolve—and your capacity can, too.
So as you move through this week, ask yourself: “What would become possible if I had just a little more room inside me?”
Room for peace.
Room for challenge.
Room for joy.
Room for ALL of you.
Your inner space is sacred. And it's ready to expand.
Are you?
Be Well my friend,
L
